Sunday, February 12, 2012

Why Forgiveness Is Difficult Thing To Give




Humans aren’t perfect. Neither are religions?


It is plain and simple - should a person is to tell us that he/she does not make any mistakes, one can only think that he/she must really be free of sins and fit to be a saint.  Should this same person, he/she is able to freely put judgement on others for many of their wrong doings and not able to reflect much of the same that he/she is capable (of making mistakes) too - that humans can be  weak, and often confused, when it comes to emotional reasoning about matters of the heart - then this he/she should be called 'God'.

Why can a person be heartless?  Is it true that some people are just born to be negative and not cherished life experiences to be lessons of good change?  Unfortunately, the fact that a person can be educated can be colder than someone who is not.  Unfortunately, the fact that a person who thinks that he/she has more life experiences can be lacking in Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

It has to do with the conscious amounts of awareness and being.  How do we allow our consciousness to become fully aware of the sensation of being alive and existing?  Why aren't we making an effort to live in harmony so as to allow calm, peace, freedom from anxiety and worry and happiness to be the anthems of our souls?  Why do allow our consciousness to slip beyond our higher consciousness to let some bad attitudes, habits and behaviours to become our dominant personality?

Having consciousness determines the quality of mind that determines the quality of life.  Awareness just pieces out the mindfulness of the conscious mind and to direct its thoughts, beliefs and emotions.  With awareness, we allow our life to become vastly different when we are the one directing the mind instead of letting it to direct us.

Awareness is the key for change to take place.  It is the key for our lasting happiness.  Self awareness is about being mindful.  It provides the clarity to choose whether we express emotions of love or express emotions out of reactions of fear.  


To be in the consciousness of awareness, it is largely a function of perception and observation.  It is something that we cannot learn from books.  It is through awareness that we will be able to identify and change the underlying core beliefs that drive destructive behaviours and create happiness.

I believe that the sole purpose of life is for us to be happy.  From the moment of our birth, every humans want happiness and not sufferings.  It is in the core of our consciousness that we desire it.  Awareness to own happiness will make us to be compassionate which ultimately will work on our serenity and inner strength.

It saddens me when I read a forum and someone passes an insensitive remark about a singer who has just passed on.  Another forummer has earlier quoted the singer about her take on love, "When you love, you love. I mean, do you stop loving somebody because you have different images? You see somebody, and you deal with their image, that's their image. It's part of them, it's not the whole picture."

I feel that is such a brilliant observation on the matter of the heart.  One can never be totally conclusive to be able to integrate one wholesome feeling when there is always a gap between emotional reasoning and intellectual reasoning on Love.

I feel it is rather insensitive for this individual to say "Yes, that's why she married XXX, got hooked on drugs .. at the expense of her voice and now DEAD".  


Why forgiveness is such a difficult thing to carry out?  Why is it such a struggle to abide in it?  In light of how it can be difficult to many of us to forgive those who have hurt us, I feel it is rather inconsiderate should it be extended to those who have passed away.

This brings me to my earlier writing, 'How Would You Remember Me?'.  In that post, I talked about death and along the line, I wrote "For one thing .. I do not wish to leave when there are people still experiencing anger and hatred towards me".  Simply, I acknowledge my imperfections and that I make mistakes in my life.  Forgiveness amends our souls and spirits to be free, creating an atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.


I am not seeking to find for simplistic answers or even the right answer here.  But I do painfully wonder what is it about our hearts, our fears, our trust in one another, and our experiences that makes us resistant and reluctant to forgive?  Perhaps, it has to do with the process of forgiveness where the experience of peace and understanding are difficult to accomplish.  Perhaps, as long as Mr Ego is still lingering quietly inside us, sorry will always be the hardest word.

Why do some people not able to forgive others for their mistakes when they know themselves that they have made mistakes too, in the past?  Bottom-line, it has to do with the psychology, the paradigm of thought here.  Some people allow those hurtful and painful things that happen, replaying the events in the mind over and over, as they are dearly holding on to the hurt and not wanting to choose to forgive and let it go.

Some people have strong idea that if they are to forgive the offender, they are actually condoning the action or the betrayal and such acts to be OK and these actions/betrayals do not really matter.  Some people feel that 'sorry' will not fix the problem, hence cannot be forgiven.

How can we forgive and forget?  Perhaps, I should re-phrase it - What does it mean to forgive and forget?  


Truth is, forgiveness does not mean that we can forget or deny the painful and hurtful things that have occurred but, surely, it is an act that helps us to achieve inner peace once done.  It is a part of leading a spiritual life.  If we are not able to forgive, we cannot possibly have real love or real humility.  We do not have mercy because Love is forgiveness and mercy.

From my own limited experience, I must admit my believe that the greatest degree of inner peace comes from the development of love and compassion.  When we express love, acceptance and respect, we create pleasant emotions within ourselves.  When we express judgements, fear, jealousy and anger,we experience emotional chaos.

The challenge that we need to break away, and one way for us to be able to be forgiving, is to master our emotional expression.  We are the only one who can determine the thoughts we think, the words that come out of our mouth and the emotions we create and express.  The thoughts, the choices and interpretations - the awareness within our consciousness - determine the quality of our life.


Forgiveness is a virtue; it is not simply an act but a permanent attitude.  It heals the stress of life.  It lets us to take stock of our feelings.  We just have to accept that we cannot change the past but we can choose not to let the pains of yesterdays to control us anymore.  Forgiveness is the destination, and it is also the process that takes us to the destination.

Forgiveness is the difference between living a good life, and a life filled with painful burdens and bitter resentment.  It is a way to lubricate and reduce the friction of life. 

Forgiveness is not about changing our past but it is about changing the future.  Gandhi said, 'an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind'.






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    I am a certified Master in Traditional USUI REIKI and KARUNA REIKI. I am also a certified practitioner in MAGNIFIED HEALING and INNER DANCE.

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