I enjoy writing. It relaxes me.
It is a silent understood feeling. From the moment we get the news about the missing tiles, we are drawn not to talk about it. But deep within, we feel disappointed. We feel rather disturbed. There are many 'what', 'why', 'how' and 'when' in our mind. The questions of what's next and when will our renovation ends lead us to a state of defensiveness. There is an estranged discomfort.
Some of our friends feel that we are being too nice. That we are too gentle. That we give in too much. Honestly, we are just unsure. All of us have our stories to tell. All of us want to make the wrong looks right. All of us want to disown mistakes.
Importantly, we want to keep our sanity. We want to keep relationships. We want to treasure good friends. We want to abandon judgment. We want to accept our insecurities. Hence, we keep psyching ourselves that everything happen for a good reason - for now, we are damn hard-up to see that it is so. Our prayers are getting loud and yet we are drowned in a flood of helplessness.
For all the troubles, that we are caught involuntarily, we can only hope that we are rewarded. Let all these unnecessary pains lead us to a rainbow of joy. The journey towards years of peace. The happiness that will be eternal. The love that empowers for a beautiful and magnificent life.
We have flushed our sorrow - though, fragments of it still linger. When Chiauw came this afternoon to show us the tile for our living and dining rooms, there was a quiet dust of discomfort. For the first time, we didn't make small talk. We felt Chiauw was feeling bad and lousy too. So, there were three of us in a room just didn't know what to say much to each other. There was a sense of guilt. There was a cry of helplessness. There was a feeling of distraught. Each one of us fighting hard in self comfort.
Looking back, it was good. We shouldn't say anything. Chiauw shouldn't say anything. Though communication will ease our minds, and bridges all differences, words may not come right for now. Pretending nothing has happened won't help either. And, learning to deal with anger or disappointment will only make us stronger. Above all, it is a call for life acceptance. It is a call for clarity of choices. It is the answer for love.
We have come to accept and trust Chiauw. We know she is always doing her best for us. We deeply appreciate it. We believe that we have always tried to make things easy .. not only for us but for Chiauw who have to face all kinds of business people. We believe, for all things well, it has to start with give and take. And respect. And honesty. We just have to learn and accept that people make mistakes, and so are we.
Chiauw has never treated us as clients. We are her friends. She is our friend. We know we can rely on her. We know she will be with us when we need her. Just as there are always day and night, rain and shine, black and white, pain and joy .. we will appreciate, one day in our life in the future, about the missing tiles.
An event that needs to happen for our friendship to go deeper. All these discomforts are communicating a common language to make us understand our personality. Our attitude. Our tolerance. Our character. The language and its beauty for each of us to see and to strike a balance towards acceptance.
For now, we need to forgive ourselves for feeling this way. We need to remind ourselves that we need each other. Only when we put in all the energy together, with respect and love, and not forgetting the promises that were made, the trust that was installed and the relationship that we desired .. that we will strive the bigger goal.
Looking ahead, we have decided to go ahead with this tile:
Hopefully, our application for hacking permit can be approved on Monday so that the tiles works can start on Tuesday. The teakwood installation has been delayed again for now.
I offer Reiki Distant Healing