Monday, May 16, 2011

What Do You Want Me To Do

If I can't write it down, I probably can't pull it off

This should go as a footnote but I just feel that it has to be read first.  Just before I clicked on the 'Publish Post' to post this article on my blog, I was interrupted by a call from a dear friend.  We had a long chat where she shared with me about her inner feelings.  I shall not mention the exact conversational topic.

Here, there was this friend - just another person, and another human, who felt helpless in the social critical mass.  She felt that she had been abandoned.  She felt that she had been put, and in her own words, 'in a peripheral' socially.  I shared with her "that every of God's creations here on earth has a place, has a part and, definitely, shares the same equal right.  It is usually the wave of another human that casts driftwood far up on the shore."

The conversation went on and she passed this remark. "What do they want me to do now?".  At that moment, it brought me back to my writing.  It was exactly what I had entered for the title of this blog.  I told her that she was the voice of God to concur my article, at least as far as I wanted to believe.

What made it more interesting was how the call ended.  It was exactly how I ended my article too.  She said, "the lesson that I learn from this is all about respect, that I have to respect others if I want others to respect me".  For the record, this dear friend of mine recognized and walked her life knowing what 'respect' was all about.

She regained her strength when I told her that she should focus on her positive attitude.  It was this reminder that made her to feel much better and to accept the situation she was in.  The power of positive thinking would set us onward to just let go and to move on.  It was this acceptance that would make her to live in joy.

This is a dedication to some people that I know.  To some people that are truly close to my heart.  To some people who haven taken counsel from, and with, me.  To some of these people that, in their mindset, feel that I have abandoned them.  This is my writing to all of you.  This is the expression of my crying heart.  This is a writing which is filled with anxiety and yet full of uncertainties.  This is a writing from my bleeding heart and the sorrows that have filled me up.

The good thing to be surrounded with wise friends is, indeed, a great blessing.  It is a comfort.  It is a joy.  My dearest indigo friend, JH just the other day feels that I have a lot of grievances inside me.  I must admit that he is right.  I am thankful for his insight despite my everyday attempts to conceal this feeling of resentment and injustice.  I am thankful for his presence to open up the bottle and unravel a chip on my shoulder.  I honor his angelic auric of indigo presence that brings a candle of light to allow me to forgive myself.

To you, JH, I am grateful to know you.  It is people like you that makes life easier to live.  It eases up the shambling journey, the life struggles, and brings about the understanding to life that is meaningful.  You put me on the spot with your profound observation though it is probably not exactly conducive to my thoughtful responses.  Perhaps, I have been waiting for these feelings to quietly dissolve by itself, or that I could just sweep them under the carpet.  But today, I am thankful at your gentle nudge, my dear friend.

Thing is, I do not wish to live a life of hypocrisy.  I should examine myself for a very long time before thinking of making this writing.  Ralph Waldo Emerson had a saying that 'Every man alone is sincere.  At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins.  We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs.  We cover up our thought from him under a hundred fold".

I am pushing away, hard on prayers, of my judgement, of what I will be voicing out here.  I am reaching for my Higher Self for this writing.  Hoping for one that is penned not with my Ego sitting next to me and with his fingers laid on the keyboard.  Life, afterall, creates many of us to believe that wrongs are not wrong if it is done by nice people.  Sadly, in all our imperfection, we think we are often too perfect and much too often, we think that we are always one above another.

The recent General Election (GE) 2011 has brought about some emotional dilemma in me.  Suddenly, from a person who has been avoiding politics, I am jostled to think.  It has made me to ponder and to reflect on the effects.  Suddenly, I feel how my outside world can impact me and to these people, directly and indirectly. 

However, the issues surround the GE strike me to an unsettling feeling far beyond the election, far beyond any political powers but to the question 'What makes life worth living?'.  My grievances stem from the GE emotional dilemma that have become too personal.  I ponder upon the livelihood on those people that come to share their life stories with me.  I ponder upon the livelihood on those people who have to make their ends meet.  I ponder upon the livelihood on those people who strive to find joy in their lives.

Just like in any elections, it is always about reflections to the past and then to what can be better for the future.  No, it has nothing to do with the GE 2011 per se, instead my grief lies on all the people who are stuck in the web of their thoughts.  To the things that they do that can make life worth living.  The verb and not the noun.

I am referring to some of these people that seem to be trapped in their resistance.  Where all the negative energies are being empowered day in and day out.  Where the positive attitude is only a fool's courage and success in life is far-fetched.  I am sad for this group of people, this group of friends, this group of loved ones.

The most melancholy thing about them, and often there is so much melancholy in their words and actions, that they have simply lost so much faith, in themselves and in others.  Yes, it is always easier and comforting to say that everything starts with attitude.  But, when one is drowned in the pool of all things low and constantly flowed with fears and tears of discomfort, his attitude becomes critical.

The greatest idiosyncrasy to life is the misconception of life force energy itself.  Life is neither positive nor negative.  Life is just life.  In life, there is energy.  In an energy, there are many more energies.  It is these energies that drive us to think, to act, to do.  They are the life forces driven by our thoughts and through our sub-conscious mind.  We have to be the captain of our soul to take charge of these thoughts, these actions and organize them to work in favor towards joy.  Joy is essential to bring in the peace.

We need to have a home of belief.  We need to have the strength of faith.  We need to recognize that we are born to become a better person.  And, we have been told that our journey in life is not going to be one straight road but with twists and curves.  But, we need to know that we have the ability to control on all outcomes.  If we need to change, we must change.  If we need to let go, we must just let go.  Our capabilities are never limited but we make ourselves to think that we have very limited understanding.

The wonderful nature in life is the ability to love.  To love everything that comes right in front of us even if we cannot emote the same likeness of our emotions.  Regardless of all the colors and shapes, regardless of all the differences, regardless whether a thing is fair or otherwise.  We just have to lift it up little by little towards it.

We need problems to become a better individual.  We need pains to understand life.  The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  All that we can do is to hope that we end up with the right regrets.  Afterall, without pain there is no pleasure and without pleasure, there is pain.  Without each of them, we simply cannot enjoy life.  Without each of them, we will never know how to strife towards joy.

I have come to a stage where I have become helpless with these people who repeatedly fail to lift up their life from the doldrums.  Every story must have an ending; every problem can resolve.  One will not win when what he wants is to champion his endless dreads to life.  One can only complain so much of his distaste that he has to find his strength to change his destiny.

It is sad when one cannot see that fear is just a false experience appearing real.  It is sad if this individual will drag another person to join in his joy in his doldrums.  It can be a pain to be in bondage to the crime.  It can be daunting to be faced with repeating appeals to the same scenario over and over.  I must admit that I have, probably, refuse to lose my salvation over anything that is temporal from some of these people.

Do I abandon them?  Do I have to keep forgiving them in exchange for my sanity?  Do I have to continually put myself in the position to be hurt over and over again?  Someone said that forgiveness does not equal to being a doormat.  Nor does forgiveness even mean that we include these people in our life.  We just have to forgive what they have done, and the way it affects us.  Thereafter, we forgive ourselves for it and move on to find our peace and healing.

I am praying, we as a whole, to have the willingness to accept responsibility for our own life.  A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.  We need to free ourselves from the expectatons of others, to give us back to ourselves.  We need to free ourselves from any bad and negative interpretations we think others have of us.  The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self respect springs.  Only when we are able to respect our efforts that we respect ourselves.

We need to accept that our character, our values and our morals are self learned.  It does not make any rational sense to be angry, and disappointed, that we cannot make others as we wish them to be since we cannot make ourselves as we wish to be.  When we are not going to own this conviction to become a better person, it shall be our failure.  However, should these character, these values and these morals are harming us spiritually, emotionally or physically, than it is only right that we change them.

I learn that no wise men despise another human.  It is the mindset of an individual that despise himself.  People, in general, love darkness instead of the light.  They would rather live an unexamined life and wallow in it than to see the good things.  Than to see what is worth to live for.  Life is not guided with rules but choices.  If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and that we cannot bring a smile on a regular basis, we just have to try another choice.

Self respect cannot be hunted.  It cannot be purchased.  It is never for sale.  It cannot be fabricated out of public relations.  Self respect leads to self discipline.  Only when we can have both firmly under the belt, that LIFE exits.  And, that is real power.

I know that my sorrow will continue.  I know that my grievances will never end.  They have come to me because I have had allowed them.  They have come to me because I wanted to care.  I could not violate the sacredness of my love for these people.  These sorrow and grievances will be my compensation as I am distancing myself with these people who I love so much.

Perhaps, the only thing that I can say would be 'I love you and I am sorry'.

    About Me

    I am a certified Master in Traditional USUI REIKI and KARUNA REIKI. I am also a certified practitioner in MAGNIFIED HEALING and INNER DANCE.

    I have been teaching and conducting spirituality, healing and energy works (including Breathing Techniques, Meditation and Spinal Qiqong) for more than two decades.

    These are the classes I conduct:
    (for Individual and/or Groups)

    a) Life / Motivational Coach
    b) Usui Reiki (all the 4 levels)
    c) Awareness Before Change
    d) Born Rich
    e) Tibetan Geomancy ** (reading and consultation)

    ** Please have your house plan


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