Once, in a conversation with a friend, I reminded him that death is not an if. It is not 'if he/she dies' or 'if he/she goes away'. Death is not a choice. It is not about assuming a case or proving on a condition. It is a part of our life and it is just another human event, although it is the last of a human event on earth. Death is an integral part of every moment of life and it is about when it can happen. About when it will come to strike us. About when it can just take place, anytime and anywhere, to end our physical body. Death is no respecter of persons. It comes to all, not just the elderly but young healthy adults and children as well. It can never be the case of 'If'.
While the word is a taboo to many and no one, generally, likes to think about it, death is inevitable. We tend to avoid the topic for whatever personal reasons. No one wants to be hurt and saddened nor would want to invite such a depressing thought to bring to an early suffering. No one wants to feel the pain of separation, loss, vulnerability or emptiness. Ironically, to live is to prepare for death. Each and everyone of us must go through it, both directly and vicariously.
Death is a separation that is permanent. It is permanent since we no longer can see, touch or talk to the loved one that is no longer living. Yes, we would probably continue 'to talk' to make a connection but the deceased cannot respond back in the traditional sense. It is this feeling that often will make us feel that a big part within us, as though a living piece, is missing. It is only to show that communication is ever so important in any relationship. Often, at that instant, we feel remorse for not able to control an outcome of a situation that we did not take responsibility of it.
Many of us dread the process of dying more than death itself. It is understandably so because, often, it involves much pain. Death should not be a cause of preoccupation and fear. There is, indeed, a divine purpose to all life. We should not harbour on thoughts that we will leave this earth with unfinished business of many kinds. Of not discovering more of our latent possibilities. Of not resolving relationship. Our task is to minimize all the weighty chains of guilt and to learn [by way of acknowledgement] past mistakes and to heal ourselves with forgiveness. Death is a process for complete surrender while we are alive.
We should, and be prepared to, accept death. We should embrace the dying process. We should, constantly, be the self conscious beings to be responsible for what happens to us in death as in life. The life of every man is a diary in which we write one story after another. This involves the responsibility of living up to our considerable potential with a heart capable of feeling deeply. And, with a mind that can engage in profound contemplation on the vast mysteries of life and a soul able to encompass all beings in its concern.
I have always accepted death as a part of life. But the only thing that I have not gotten myself prepared, and not be ready, is talking about my own death. Strange as it is, since dying is not a new subject at all. It is one of the oldest subjects known to humanity and certainly the greatest mystery of our existence. It is a topic familiar to almost every person though we seldom speak openly about it.
In my family, I lost my parents and my eldest sister but that, somehow, did not affect me in the way the loss of Ruby did. The death of my parents was something I had expected. Their health was such that the end was obvious. In some ways, it was a blessing that they no longer had to suffer in their failing physical bodies.
My eldest sister, on the other hand, was a courageous woman who had an unusually painful form of cancer and faced her sufferings for a good three years philosophically without complaints. She was prepared to drink to the last drop what the cup of life had in store for her. I witnessed such a fine attitude in her strength. In her acceptance rather than tried to escape it. She fulfilled her destiny, making her inner conquests and, unconsciously, helping others.
After the death of Ruby, I have become very much aware of death. How, then, should I prepare for my turn. My time. Not about what life is at the other side but it makes me to sit up and to take notice on the quality of life that I am experiencing and making myself available with others around me. About making the difference. About leaving a legacy of love that matters. About leaving behind something about me that will minimize the pains and griefs of my loved ones. Grief can be an awful emotion resulted from an abrupt and/or unexpected severing of attachment.
Ruby's demise opens up a new meaning about separation. About death. It explores my consciousness into the seed of loving and ahead to the fruit it shall bear. It reminds me to see the beauty in life and in the world we live in. Who believe in me, no matter what. Who is a great soul for me, an inspiring companion, who passed on a wonder and a love of some aspect of being alive.
Her death makes me to find actions and words which would say it all. Off a complete feeling which would make what I felt and what I wanted for all the loved ones left behind seem memorable and majestic. I learned that after my mum passed on. It was a void feeling for not doing what I wanted to do for her. With Ruby, I learned about grief for being left behind not fully comprehensible of my own worth.
I know of someone who would go into a frantic emotion at the thought of the death of his partner. He would be filled with remorse and blaming himself for his past mistakes to self inflict with more pain. I learn, through him, to accept the world as imperfect. That all our own actions can bring on suffering. Regardless of how much we may love someone, care for them, and attend to their needs, we will still lose that person. Who has not said something that stung another, done something that made us cringe, or chose inaction in a case where action would have made a world of difference?
It is true that no one can get through life without making mistakes. I need to face for my time. It is important for me, having this chance of life, to be a good person. It is important for me to help another person to find his/her true self. These are two virtues that I want to leave behind. These are virtues that I should devote while I am alive and, at the same time, prepare for death. Afterall, that is what death is about. It happens so that we can value life. It is the chance to believe that life, and death, is not meant to be a burden. I would want to die without procrastination. Rather, I should make preparations so that when I am gone, I would leave my loved ones with no regrets. For having me. For knowing me. For been a part together.
I need to be involved with my loved ones so that when I am gone, there will be a feeling of satisfaction for them to have walked life with me. There will be an easy reconciliation and coming to terms with, and for, their conscience. There will be a sense of loving kindness to ease the transition that they had once made me a trusted person, brother, companion, friend and a good soul. And that, they have made my life complete. That they had never failed my expectations. There will be an opportunity for them to continue to live freely, enjoying the twists and turns life offer. That, our relationship to life together has had meaning.
I must be aware to raise love and comfort and use the present to prepare for the future. I need to honour all that I had promised and not to leave behind unresolved hopes. I need to be the doer and the maker; the alchemist of love. And, constantly, reminding them about my love - not with words but with actions. I need not to leave them with shadow of doubt of my love. Of my pride and joy being part of them. I need them to know how I have had treasured all and that I had accomplished the quality of life together. As it is, it is often sad to leave a life with unfulfilled memories. We all know it is painful for the receiving parties, the survivors. I believe, no one should and would want to spend eternity haunted by such bitterness unresolved. It will be good, and I need to keep reminding myself, that I must depart on good terms.
I need to make peace with members of my family. I need to make peace with my loved ones. I need to make peace with my friends. I need to make peace with every soul that I had crossed path with. It is also important that I make peace with myself. This act will only allow to ease the burden of guilt, anger or bitterness. It is the only way to make my passing on easier for each one of them. The most important thing is for them to live a life without shadows of doubt.
I must live a true life. I was born of love, so I must live by traveling the path of love. The success or failure of my live depends on how much love I am able to pack into all these years of life that is being given to me. I should live my life with an attitude of devotion and diligence that my life is not only about myself but for others too. I must constantly be reminded to live a life of love. That love is the only thing that remains when I am gone.
When the time has finally arrived for me, I want them to have a smile on their faces. I want them to have only the good memories of a joyful shared life together and there is no regret. That our lives together had been, for each other, a road of a doer and a maker. In the end, it is all about the legacy of love given and received. That love has made us fuller, richer, wider and deeper. What lights us up never truly abandons us. Inwardly, we are never separated from those we love. And nothing else matters.
I offer Reiki Distant Healing