When Days Are Numbered Written by : Reiki Sanctuary Date : Monday, July 18, 2011

Yes, it’s called samsara. Take a number, get in line, we could be here awhile. Some of us have a plan to get outta here early.


In just a period of two months, I come across three situations where I am told that so-and-so has only XX numbers of days to live.  The term that is used, and I learn that a hospital would describe it, is 'awaiting the end of life'.  In each situation, there is a voice of sadness.  There is a feeling of loss.  It brings the whole family shattered with uneasy feelings.

First, there was Ruth 'Roofie' Thomson.  Then, it was the mother of a close friend.  These two had recently passed on and May Their Souls Rest In Peace.  And, just two days ago, I have been told that another friend, Susan Ho is now at her Stage Four of cancer. Her doctors has given her notice of 'awaiting the end of life'.

Personally, when I am told of it, I feel rather uneasy.  I feel that the phrase or term is rather distasteful but yet 'awaiting the end of life' is exactly right and appropriate.  It is exactly an expected medical prognosis for a situation to happen for a prediction of a highly probable course. 

Perhaps, it has to do with my take on separation and on death where a permanent departure can no longer be avoided.  It evokes a feeling of grief.  It evokes my past experiences on the loss of loved ones. It saddens me to feel the pains inflicted into my friends. Of how they would be grieving, of how they would be adjusting their lives and the emptiness and the sorrowful feelings that shall follow with the days after that.

Admittedly, I used not too good at handling such a situation.  I could be very much affected when there was a broken human engagement; a departure.  I could be all bummed-out when someone passed on.  I felt that I had been robbed of an earthly unison in human relations.  I felt broken and sad and there was a creeping sorrow that tailed me for days.

I felt a sense of loss.  In fact, I can still feel such emotions these days but less 'traumatized'.

It has to do with the discomforts that follow thereon where life, for those of us left behind, with new adjustments that have to be made.  To learn to live life without our loved ones.  It is such a situation where now made me filled with the sense of realization of my own time and then to the emotions of those people that I will, eventually, leave behind.

Being one who has probably had fair share of losses in my life: the death of my parents, the death of my eldest sister, the death of my beloved companion with Ruby, the death of my nephew; I have come to accept a fairly healthy attitude to death and dying.  While initially I can be all bummed-out to grief, death provides me the lesson about grieving, letting go and moving on.

Yes, it is a reality that our days are numbered.  One of the primary goals in our lives should be to prepare for our last day.  This is a call that many of us would prefer not to think about.  To some, it is a taboo (and many would think it is just 'rude' and plain 'negative') to think that we should live lives everyday to prepare for death.  It actually surprises me when some of my friends would dismiss such a guaranteed thing in the big equation of life.

While it is true that we need to lead a life to enjoy and to live a fullest life, I feel that one should also go on with his or her life to live with absolute quality.  We have to follow our passion, to figure out what it is that we love to do and have courage to do that. There must always be a feeling of peace to accompany, to all our actions and thoughts.  There must always be an equation of balance and harmony, to all our deeds and relationships.  It is not about the quantity to what we can achieve but to the heart's attitude that counts.  Oscar Wilde wrote "Men die for what they want to be true".

But, what is the truth?  This is something that we, as an individual, should find for ourselves.  Our characters, our attitudes, our ways of life cover a wide array of concepts.  From the moment our feet touch the floor in the morning until our head hits the pillow, we leave with imprints.  Yes, imprints that last to those we will leave behind.  We just need to create the 'truth' to our legacy that we will, eventually and certainly, leave it one day.

How far should, or would, we go to prepare and undertake ourselves for that 'ultimate' when the plug to life is pulled off?  Can we, honestly, speak with remarkable candor about such end of life matters?  Realistically, such a situation has become much more complicated than we can think of.

Death is unavoidable.  Its time is uncertain.  Our only security is the strength of our practice.  Susan Ho, my friend who is now struggling with 'awaiting for end of life', makes me deep in reflection and remembering.  The thing that stands out clear is that death is simply a part of life.  It is just the natural progression of life.

Her situation reminds me, and hopefully to all her family and friends, to consider how we can prepare for death.  How we can consider our dying to benefit ourselves and others. 

As I begin to prepare for my death consciously, I feel I am preparing for a renewed sense of appreciation for all that is precious to me in my life.  I must learn not to postpone life and awaken to a deeper compassion and a richer, more meaningful existence.  That all the ordinary and simple events in my life must take on a deeper significance.

These two months have been a confronting journey for me.  I am being pushed into a territory that has brought up a heap of reminders about uncomfortable areas where I am yet to clean up in my life.  There are trashes in Reiki Sanctuary not sorted, affairs that still to put in order, responsibilities that been long delayed, words left unsaid and gratitude unexpressed. Perhaps, there are far more things which I cannot think right now and have conveniently omitted them.  Perhaps, there are far more things that I have taken for granted not knowing them now.

Susan has decided to spend her limited days to finish off some important personal things, to tour Japan and Australia, and as she said it "for the last time to close some chapters".  It is what that makes her happy that makes her life full and complete.  Giving an action, and voice, to such fundamental material represents one piece of unfinished business that is now filled with peace.

For what she feels important to finish, I am praying for her peace.  I am praying that she is filled with joy knowing that all her responsibilities are complete.  That she can move on with spirit of love, and be loved.

For me, I find solace in the fact that I have known Susan.  I am glad that this good and decent human being has played a part in my life.  I am very thankful that I have had given this opportunity to know her.  Friends like her are so few and far between.  It is important that she knows this.  It is important that she lives her last days knowing that she is loved.

.. and my prayers,

for her courage, 

for her strength,
for her family 

and for her friends

continue ..

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Here I Am In Prayers .. Written by : Reiki Sanctuary Date : Thursday, June 23, 2011

What part of youth do you not want to share with your own children?

It is not my usual style to write another entry so quickly after posted a post.  But, there is this voice that is asking for communication.  There is this strong feeling needing for connection, to bridge for higher purpose to provide for a passage.

This is a dedication, one that is written with so much love and prayers, to Ruth 'Roofie' Thompson.

I spent this morning sending lots of distant Reiki to Ruth.  Sitting down in my meditation to pray and to let my soul to teleport, and to communicate, with her.  May the god in me greets the god in Ruth for wellness, for peace and for spiritual and emotional wisdom.

It started with an email that I received earlier today.  It was about Ruth and an update about her conditions.  It was written from her daughter's partner and how the family is reacting to her latest situation.

Ruth is now undergoing medical treatment at Worcester Hospital in United Kingdom. 

Reading it through, I am filled with so much sadness.  My spirit crunches in one with hers.  I am filled with so much yearning, as though there is some unfinished story that needs to be told.  That needs to be shared.  That needs to be heard.   There is a longing feeling for a touch, for a hug.  There is just an enormous want for close comfort.  There is, as if, so much songs that are waiting to be sung.

Deep in my meditation, somehow i could not dismiss this particular song that kept playing in my head.  It was trying to tell me a situation, a story, an event.  For what the higher purpose and all the hidden messages that trailed in this song, I decided to honor it.






Yesterday When I Was Young,
Chy'i

Yesterday when I was young

The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue

I teased at life as if it were a foolish game

The way an evening breeze may tease the candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed

The splendid things I planned

I always built to last on weak and shifting sand

I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day

And only now I see how the years ran away

Yesterday when I was young

There were so many songs that waited to be sung

So many wild pleasures lay in store for me

And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out

I never stopped to think what life was all about

And every conversation I can now recall

Concerned itself with me and nothing else at all

Yesterday the moon was blue

And every crazy day brought something new to do

And I used my magic age as if it were a wand

That never saw the waste and emptiness beyond

The game of love I played with arrogance and pride

And every flame I lit so quickly quickly died

The friends I made all seemed somehow drift away

And only I am left on stage to end the play

Yesterday when I was young

There were so many songs that waited to be sung

So many wild pleasures lay in store for me

And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out

I never stopped to think what life was all about

And every conversation I can now recall

Concerned itself with me and nothing else at all

There are so many songs in me that won't be sung

I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue

And the time has come for me to pay

For yesterday when I was young

I met Ruth in Pattaya, Thailand about two years ago.  It was in December 2009 where we had Christmas together.  I remembered her joy, despite so much perspiration, where she was spending time in the kitchen to prepare for the Christmas meals.  Ruth had never travelled far in Asia and she was starting to get used to Thailand's climate and weather.  She was such a bubbly person with full of life.

We sat down that evening to know each other better and I was glad that the connection took place. She shared with me a little bit about her, the past and the cancer.  Her cancer was in remission.  We didn't get to do much but it was enough for me to feel Ruth's spirit.

Ruth is a kind and loving British woman.  She wants to do more in life to help out with the unfortunate children in Thailand.  Her spirit, that came to me this morning during my meditation, is a pure big white butterfly.  Metaphorically, it just says so much about her, about her higher purpose and her vision.

For all that God has planned, this is my prayer for you, Ruth ...

"Find that strength within you, Ruth.  Find that peace that is within you, Ruth.  Never stop to believe that you are love and being loved.  You are a loving and caring person, a loving and caring daughter, a loving and caring sister, a loving and caring wife, a loving and caring mother and a loving and caring friend. 

Love has never stopped, Ruth.  We only need to know that it exists no matter where and when.  We just need to feel it even when it is untouchable.  Even when our mind fools it to be missing and out of reach.  Even when we dearly need to feel it.  

Words are not necessary, Ruth for the language of God is always silent  and heard only through our souls.  We are asked not to give up.  And, I am praying that you find that strength and not to give up too."

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Where Is The Love Written by : Reiki Sanctuary Date : Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I am certain that nearly everyone would agree that honesty is the best policy; that we are told honesty breeds comfort.  Our parents tell us it is so; our teachers tell us it is so; our partners tell us it is so.  So are the friends whom we meet regularly, those that desire to cherish a good tie, tell us to be honest with each other.  The whole community, where we live in, expect it to be so too.  It is the comfort knowing all relationships are being prized preciously with love and respect that makes everyday a joy.  And, the peace of mind that can only escalate all our daily activities and turn all events with gratifying desire for positive endeavours.  In moral terms, honesty is without a doubt a virtue, and dishonesty is a vice.
We should want to be honest because it opens a climate full of trust and confidence that will only lead to healthy attitudes and relationships.  William Shakespeare said "Honesty is the best policy.  If I lose mine honor, I lose myself.'  What is uttered from the heart alone, in the spirit of staying true and honest, will win the hearts of others to our own.  Integrity is telling the truth; honesty is telling the truth to other people.
Honesty, which is often an under-rated virtue, holds rewards filled with dear promises where people will just want to deal with us much more because they can open up and, in return, trust us.  Honesty, and being truthful, lets an individual with nothing to hide. He/she can walk proud and does not have to remember what was being said and who he/she said it to. Honesty renders, in us, to have a clean and clear conscience, which is ever essential if we are to render sacred service to humankind.  Being honest is a lot easier as it eliminates the gnawing fear of being caught.  Unfortunately, to some, becoming honest is not an easy thing to do.
Matter of factly, honesty should be ingrained naturally in us and to be a second nature to live life daily.  It should be a constant mantra in all that we say, do and think - in all our daily interactions with another being.  That we should say what is the truth and genuinely not devious, do what is honestly right which is characterized with admission of responsibility, and think not to deceive but to hold and display integrity.  We should honor to bring the nurturing power of the Universe's energy into our life that brings lasting positive results.
Yet, when push comes to shove and our failure to take charge of our swinging thoughts, many of us just cannot help to uphold such a simple virtue but to tell white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings.  We might even tell ourselves a little white lie to face ourselves from the reality of truth.  Perhaps, we have been brought up by our social environment to hide the truth as to avoid troubles, or risking causing offense to others who may not want or need to hear the complete truth.
No matter how insignificant we might think a little white lie has on any relationship, the energy of this little white lie looms between us and the other person.  We might argue, and probably validate all reasons to ease our conscience, that little white lies are harmless.  That being honest hurts.  However, they are like small cracks that weaken the overall structure in the long term.  Speaking the truth (honesty) is analogous to a complete full picture made with every pieces of the jigsaw puzzles where each piece needs to fit at the right place.  Words, just like the jigsaw pieces, are energy that vibrate with every thought process that must move in one direction.  That, at the end of any communication, a perfect picture should surface.  Dishonesty will only magnify the inadequacy out from the missing jigsaw piece.
Many may not realize the drained energy in them executing lies.  It is almost a God's way for us to forget the lies that we had told someone; lies are just hard to remember.  Lies are not factual events - they are not pieces of the jigsaw puzzles for that complete full picture - and the energy does not get stored in our memory.  People do not remember what was said and, worse, if they are words made to deceive.
Giving someone a false compliment or ostensibly protecting someone can create problems later when the alternate truths we created become the basis for further interactions.  Even when all future actions may be honest, the underlying unstable foundation of a little white lie will threaten to derail an otherwise good relationship.  This then will lead to further energy being spent on keeping things hidden, working to remember the little white lies we have told and fearing the consequences of being found out.  Ultimately, at a very unconscious and subconscious levels, our relationship with another becomes a tiring and draining experience.
Being honest is about speaking the truth and affirming what already is.  It transcends the honest flow of life and moves with the same direction of the universal law of cause and effect.  It cultivates and strengthens our physical, emotional and spiritual well being and leaving us with more energy for other pursuits.  When we speak and live our truth, the universe supports us.
Personally, I am guilty of telling white lies, though I would want to assert an action 'omitting the truth' as a defence.  Somehow, with all the reasons that I could give to validate and defend my actions, I often wonder why - after the white lies or omit the truths are told - what kind of a person am I?  What prompted me to seek such alternative, in all the moral and social terms, as desirable?  Do I want to take the risk to fail myself as a lightworker and/or warrior of light - the principles of my life, having such deficit in social interaction to morality?  The guilt that creeps afterwards is just not worth it.
My point here, everybody lies.  By the time a child gains an awareness of the use and power of language, dishonesty becomes second nature and a typical brain development.  It is as good as giving dishonesty a defined characteristic of what it is to be human.  Infact, it is not the only defining characteristic, but it does separate us from other animals.  Some non-human species may have a limited capacity for deception but humans have a flexible, unlimited capacity for deception.
Becoming an honest person requires a deep awareness and consciousness for integrity.  For harmony, respect and to strike a balance.  When we just love someone, and care enough for their happiness, we should live to speak and act the truths.  When a person lies, he/she has broken a bond - the unspoken agreement to treat others with love and respect, as we would like to be treated.  Dishonesty, or deception, often makes it impossible for us to trust another person again.  When the issue of trust is on the line, coming clean about the lie as soon as possible is the best way to mend fences.
Today, I am making a conscious effort to free myself of the burden of dishonesty.  This writing is about a prayer to attract the energy of honesty that sets my life for meaningful attitudes and relationships.  Towards a better quality of life.  Towards greatest love and respect.    For my life to follow the honest flow of life, may this writing resonate deep with my soul.  Together, with all the people that cross into my path and those that I treasure, we shall begin today to choose honesty in every of our interactions.
.. and all in the name of Love.

---

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The Gift. The Prayer. Written by : Reiki Sanctuary Date : Thursday, July 16, 2009

It is often hard, and I have to learn to overcome, to share the feeling with someone about the passing off of their loved one.  A feeling that comes naturally when I am invited to pray, especially for the departed soul, is in critical stage.  Often, this feeling is guided with a higher intuition that can just come from nowhere; a message that will tell me the end of a 'nadi' timeline.  A time to let go and go home.  A time to walk into the white light and embracing another life beyond the white bridge.

Over many years, I stand still in between two worlds.  On one side with the gripping fear of a departing earthly being and in another, the joy for reunion.  I often see a gathering of souls - the earthly and the spirits, negotiating for some sort of a Higher Plan while the Angels of Death play the intermediary role.

Two weeks ago when I was in Pattaya, two friends wanted me to feel the energy of the mother of their thai friend.  I had never met this lady nor did I know of her health condition.  I was only informed that she had been very sick and once warded in ICU.  The conversation made me to pass a remark that she would soon leave this earthly plane.  At that time, I caught a message '1' and '6' and didn't want to share much of their significance.  Only to mention that she would probably have six nadi weeks left, which was said to ease the situation.

Today, my prayer lends comforting condolences to Nattawat on the demise of his beloved mother.  Yesterday, I was informed that she had a relapse and today in another email, peacefully, passed on later that night.  I believe it is on the early 16.

I should be more vocal then.  I should just let them know of the message '16' and how was the message meant to be passed on.  I just didn't want to play God; instilling fears and anxieties and we should never play one!  What we can do is just to take the message and be prepared.  To let love grow and for us to take the opportunity to bask in its importance.

This morning as I wrote an email to another friend for Nattawat, I wrote "Yes, I feel his mother is ready to go but you don't have to tell him ..".  At the point, I was not informed of the demise.  For all the messages that I wanted him to whisper into his mother's ears shall now become my prayer for the two of them.  For his loving mother that meant so much to him and for Nattawat to find courage to live on.

I have always regarded a blog is our voice to the Universe, between Heaven and Earth.  Let the message, that was meant to be shared to her, echoes here:

 "You have been a wonderful mother taking care of me.  That have protected me.  I am very thankful for all that you had done.  To bring love into my life.  I will recognise it and will let it shine inside me.  I have become a better person with your love and guidance.  I promise to take care of myself and to be with Buddha where I truly belong.

You have been a good wife and a good mother to all your children.  Be at peace.  There is nothing greater than the love of Buddha for you now.  There is nothing else you need to do, your job is done.  We have to feel your love and to live with it to make us a better person here.  Feel the light that is all around you.  It will ease your earthly pain.   Just be with the light and everything will be taken care."

May you now rest in peace.

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For A Dear Friend ... Our Prayers Written by : Reiki Sanctuary Date : Sunday, July 27, 2008

We understand the fear that you are going through.  How hard you have to keep telling yourself that everything is going to be alright.  The sadness that you have to keep in your pocket and pretending to be stronger for others. 

The confusion of earthly security, the savior from life's disappointments, its assurance, the justice upon your life and the misery of this earthly life and the human love that ends in disappointment.

We know that your every breath is filled with dreading thoughts.  And what a sad tomorrow it would probably be.

We asked you to lead a normal life, that life does not stop.  We told you that we are holding hands with one prayer.  That love will conquer all.  That every road leads to higher divinity.  That you are cared.  That you are loved. 

We know because, within your golden heart, there's a place so strong, so very deep and so faithful and true - and only your true love can, and will, change what's ahead.

It is hard.  Yes, we are not going to lie to you that it will be easy.  Yet, we are very sure that it will end with folds of blessings.  You will unite with light and strength.  That in your arms, in your very strength within your soul, you will not be left in despair.

We are here because we care, because we want to care. 
You were here because we wanted to lighten your burden, because we wanted to share your burden.
Let our tears wash away your fear.
Let our sorrow guide your way.
Just let us share.

We want you to hang on to faith.  To all things well.  To surrender and accept.  In all that's here, there is always hope.  You win because you believe.

You are not alone, my dear friend.

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